my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
