Porn is love you can see.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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