Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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