she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
