last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
