i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
