last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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