i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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