I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
