If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
