Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
