looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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