So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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