I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
