why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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