We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
