Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
