I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
