FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
