I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize