So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
