i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You pole danced in your parka.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We're too hungover to prance.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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