I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
