Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize