I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
