my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
