He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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