i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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