It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
