and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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