Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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