Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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