Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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