but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
