I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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