That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
