Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i think my cat just said my name.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
