Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
