No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
