Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
