You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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