His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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