I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize