Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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