she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
