He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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