dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
