Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
