You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You ruined the universe
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
