i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
