today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
