Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
