I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
