No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
