Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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