It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
