My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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