a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
