so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
