found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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