I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
