Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
