now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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