guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
