sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
