Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
