I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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