you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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