It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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