twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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