is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
