I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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