I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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