why do cheetos always look like penises
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
