I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
